


I Mean, We Kind of Pass For Thirty

by HolyMakkirel



Category: Granblue Fantasy (Video Game)
Genre: Absent Parents, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bea and Zeta are highschoolers, Comedy, Eustace and Ilsa are college students, Eustace/Ilsa are Bea's Fake Parents, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Furias sucks ass, Modern Fantasy, Pommern wishes he could do better, Ronan is a harmless old grandpa, pretend parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:35:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26164981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HolyMakkirel/pseuds/HolyMakkirel
Summary: Beatrix gets in trouble at school. Her parents are never around, but fortunately, the guy who lives across the hall and the pretty lady who hangs out with him seem old enough to pass for her parents... maybe... in her opinion.Written for Rainripple!
Relationships: Eustace/Ilsa (Granblue Fantasy), not tagging it here but Light Baby Beazetas occur
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	I Mean, We Kind of Pass For Thirty

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rainripple](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainripple/gifts).



> Eustace and Ilsa are around 21 at this point, with Beatrix and Zeta around 14.

“For once you don’t look too out of place in a button-up,” teased Ilsa, each step clicking on the school’s floors as her simple flats announced each confident step through the halls. She was the very image of elegance, dressed in a pure white blouse and sleek black slacks with a pair of classy sunglasses resting on her head. The biggest attention-grabber of the outfit was a blazer matching the pants, worn around her shoulders like a cape rather than on her torso. With the way she carried herself, she could easily pass for a woman in her mid-thirties with an unbelievably good skincare routine that kept her looking barely a year over twenty. In reality, she _was_ barely a year over twenty, the same age as the man whose arm she had hooked around hers as they approached the principal's office.

“I didn’t know you were going to pull out the ‘hot mom from a teenage romcom’ outfit. You should have told me we were dressing all the way up,” retorted Eustace with a glare. One would struggle to call him underdressed; a deep blue shirt and gray pants broken up with a smart black belt and shoes to match maximized his “mature and well dressed” aesthetic as much as possible without giving it away that he was a college senior pretending to be in his thirties. Unlike his partner in this endeavor, he did look like any old normal-if-fashionable grown man, rather than an actor hired to play one.

“Come on, it’s not often we get to play mommy and dadd-“

“Don’t say that.” 

“ _Mommy and daddy_ ,” Ilsa emphasized, tugging him a little closer to really drive the act home. “What’s wrong with leaning into it?”

“We barely look old enough to have kids, let alone a fourteen year old. If we draw too much attention people are going to get suspicious.” 

“Come on, we already agreed that we’d say she was adopted, right? How old do we have to pass for! Twenty eight? Thirty, tops? I mean, we _kind of_ pass for thirty...”

Eustace looked Ilsa up and down. From where he stood, she absolutely did _not_ pass for thirty, but he could respect that few would see someone as (currently) well put together as she was and doubt that she could take care of a child. He definitely looked far more age-ambiguous than she did, but proximity to her and the fact that he always seemed far too serious for twenty one at least helped him blend in a little.

“Alright, alright… just don’t get too excited. Beatrix could get in a lot of trouble if we mess this up.” Beatrix was, of course, the reason they were here. She was a younger girl who lived in the apartment across the hall from Eustace, whose parents were always away on work. Despite often coming across as immature and reckless, the girl was remarkably capable, and had little trouble living alone with the occasional help from various friends of the family or uncles and aunts. Yet one thing she couldn’t do, at least in theory, was materialize parents out of nowhere to meet with school faculty. Yet against all odds, she managed to do exactly that the night before.

 _“Please, Eustace, just this one time! It’s not like I get in trouble every week, but I don’t want people to hear that my parents aren’t around!”_ The girl had knocked on his door practically begging him to pose as her father, a proposition he found downright ridiculous. Surely the principal would understand that her parents weren’t around, and it’s not like anyone would judge her for having parents who worked abroad. Yet before he could even speak to reject her, an excited voice sprung up from the couch behind him. _“Of course, Hellcat! Just tell us when!”_ Ilsa, a friend from college who Eustace had _occasionally_ messed around with, who he had just happened to have been messing around with just before Beatrix checked in. She was acquainted with his little neighbor; Beatrix often spent time at Eustace’s when she had nothing better to do, either pestering him like an older brother or asking him for help with her homework. Despite the casual nature of the older Erunes’ relationship, Ilsa did enjoy coming by just to check in on Beatrix sometimes, if only to scratch an ever-nagging itch to care for a family that she kept in the back of her head.

“Come on, Eustace.” Ilsa’s voice grew deeply serious. “This _was_ my idea. I know I’m having my fun with it, but I wouldn’t have taken it if I didn’t think I’d be able to pull it off. Hellcat’s a good kid, and I’m not about to mess things up for her.”

Freezing, Eustace paused for a moment before nodding. With how fun she could be in her downtime, sometimes he forgot how driven and serious Ilsa was when she needed to be. The two were now at the door to the principal’s office. If there was a time to stop bickering and put their acts on, it was now.

“Yes?” No sooner had they opened the door than the word reached their ears. Behind the desk at the far end of the room sat a blond Harvin man, secretary Furias, looking irritated at the fact that anyone even entered the office. “Principal Pommern has a meeting coming up and he doesn’t have time for surprise visitors at the moment.” 

Stepping forward, Ilsa tapped her chin in faux-curiosity. “Oh? But the principal told us to come by right around now... Well, we’re a few minutes early, but I’m certain he doesn’t schedule his meetings so tightly, right?”

Growing more annoyed, the Harvin pushed up his glasses and fiddled with some papers. “It says the meeting is with the parents of one Beatrix... ninth grader, disciplinary issues, human...” he looked up at them over the bridge of his nose. “Human.”

“Adopted.” Eustace spoke the word simply, prompting the secretary to tuck his lips between his teeth as his face betrayed his obvious embarrassment.

“A-Ah. Right, of course.” 

Ilsa glared at him, leaning forward ever so slightly as she rested a hand on the edge of the desk. “Can we go in, then? Or are you going to make us pull out our daughter’s adoption papers?”

“Do... Do you have those? Do you actually carry them on y-”

 **_Thud._ ** Both of Ilsa’s hands were on the desk now, ripples running through a half-drank cup of coffee that stood by the computer after she slammed them against the wooden surface. “ _No,_ I don’t carry adoption papers on me, because people aren’t usually so ass-backward and hard-headed! Now, are you going to keep hassling us, or can I spend my time with the principal talking about my little girl and not the garbage fire of a job his secretary is doing?!”

Silence, and then a small cough from Eustace, and then the sound of a door opening.

“A-hem. Beatrix’s parents, yes? Please, come right in.” From behind, a man stood composed in the doorway between Furias’ half of the room and the principal's office. As quickly as he’d showed up, he disappeared back inside and invited them to follow. Eustace obliged without incident, and Ilsa walked behind him, delayed momentarily by the insistence on shooting one more glance at the flustered Harvin internally panicking about the possibility of a reprimand over racial insensitivity. 

“I apologize for my assistant,” spoke principal Pommern as he sat down. “He’s prone to bouts of tremendous impoliteness, and the headmistress seems to always be too busy to address his misbehavior.” Leaning over, he reached for a small jar of caramels, opening it up and politely pushing it towards the two sitting across from him. Pulling one from within and a bottle of water from her purse, Ilsa left Eustace to do the talking as she cooled off, clearly having leaked some genuine annoyance into her exaggerated indignation.

“No problem.” Curt as always. “What was the problem with Beatrix?”

Smiling understandingly, Pommern spoke with a clear desire to understand what the girl was going through rather than act punitively. “Well, she’s been acting up in class. Is everything okay in her personal life? Does she have many friends?”

“Beatrix is a perfectly happy girl. Excitable, sometimes a little too much for her own good. Very social. She’ll even hang out with the guy who lives across the hall when none of her friends from school are around.”

Ilsa cut in. “He and this girl who comes over to his place sometimes keep her busy, and they like to help her out when we’re not around, so she’s almost never alone.” 

“Oh, well,” Gears were turning in Pommern’s head. “These two... are they good influences? Is this woman his girlfriend, perhaps?”

In unison, the pair of Erune practically choked, only managing to avoid blowing their cover because Ilsa was good at hiding unwanted emotions and Eustace was always hiding unwanted emotions. “Erm,” she started, “I think they’re just friends. But they’re close. Intimate, maybe?”

“Yes, I think so.” Eustace rarely sweat under pressure, but a single drop dampened his brow at the moment. “They never talk about it, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there was something between them.”

Pommern steepled his fingers as he considered what he was hearing. “You see, I ask because I think Beatrix’s sudden behavioral problems come down to this girl she knows. Do you two know about Zeta?”

“Zeta.” Eustace thought for a moment. “Zeta, Zeta, Zeta...” The name was familiar. “The blonde, right? Just a hair shorter than Beatrix?”

“That’s the one.” Pommern’s words coaxed a small nod out of Ilsa; she knew Eustace was observant, but she couldn’t help be a little impressed. “She’s a bright young woman as well, of course; solid grades, good behavioral record, and always respectful even if she can be a little fiery and unfocused. We caught her and Beatrix hiding out by one of the old buildings-”

“ _Kissing?_ ” Ilsa cut in, blurting out the word like it was a life changing concept.

“Er... no, just holding hands, when Coach Gandharva found them.” Pausing to let the mood settle, Pommern continued. “Well, before we found them, they were _probably_ kissing-”

 **_Thud._ ** Another slam of Ilsa’s hands against the desk. “With all due respect, you can’t put her in trouble for something she _probably_ did! Your secretary out there _probably_ doesn’t get out much, but you don’t see me making fun of him for i-”

“ _Please,_ ho- _”_ Eustace paused at the word that was about to come out, then coughed to make his pause look like an accident. “Honey.” _Too late to take it back,_ he thought. “Let him continue.”

Pommern had visibly retreated deeper into his seat under Ilsa’s reprimanding. “Y-Yes, as I was saying... we caught them hiding out there _when they should have been in class._ ”

Ilsa’s eyes visibly sagged a little. Sitting back down in her seat, her sunglasses came loose and fell down onto her nose, mercifully hiding her embarrassment at having jumped to conclusions. “Ah.”

The miscommunication largely resolved, Pommern straightened as he continued. “I feel like I should make it clear that we have no rules forbidding private displays of affection. Nor were they anywhere they shouldn’t be.”

“But they were cutting class.” Eustace nodded solemnly as he recalled recent moments in which Beatrix seemed to have completely missed the lessons explaining her homework. “And not just once, correct?”

“No. This was their third offense. We were hoping you two might talk to her about this. Skipping class is punishable with suspension.”

“Suspension is literally just making her skip more fucking classes though...” Ilsa squinted down at the desk as she spoke before rising up in her seat with a start, holding her hand up to her mouth as she looked across the desk at a wide-eyed Pommern and simply felt Eustace doing everything in his power not to bury his face in his hands. 

“Y... yes, you’re right, of course.” Pommern seemed to genuinely agree with Ilsa, even if her language left him slack jawed. “School policy. You understand how administration and red tape can be, yes? I’m sure you’re familiar with bureaucracy.”

Eustace’s desire to bury his face in his hands grew tenfold. Her businesswoman cosplay really did convince him, it seemed. He knew she wouldn’t let him live this down. In any case, the situation seemed to be resolved. “We’ll talk to her, sir. Is that all? Ilsa has a meeting to get to and the sooner we can get on the road the better.”

“Oh, right, _honey,_ ” She didn’t plan to let him live that down, either. “We really should get going, hm?”

Clasping his hands together with a cordial smile, Pommern stood up and gestured that they were welcome to leave. “Thank you for being so understanding. No few parents come in and fight us over blatant rule violations.”

Adjusting her blazer as she stood, Ilsa winked confidently. “Of course. I may be a _cool mom,_ but I know how to put my foot down. Hel- _Beatrix_ will be catching an earful when I get home.” Noticing Eustace already at the door, she rushed out to follow him. The pair passed Furias and re-entered the hallway without incident, a fact which the still-shaken secretary was thankful for.

“Not bad.” Eustace looked to Ilsa as they made their escape, the familiar click-clack of her shoe setting a rhythm that they both followed.

“Of course. Didn’t I say I wouldn’t do anything to ruin this for her?”

“Right, apart from picking a fight with the secretary and cussing out the rules.”

“Oh, shush. Everything went off without a hi-”

“ _Eustace?”_

An older, more mature voice rang out from just barely behind them. “Eustace, is that you?”

Eustace grabbed Ilsa’s arm, leaning in close and whispering “Faster.” Quickly, he turned from a casual stroll towards the exit to a downright powerwalk, ignoring Ilsa’s confusion as the four shoes pounded the floor below.

“What the hell was that?!” Ilsa swung into the driver’s seat of her car, looking towards Eustace as he deflated into the passenger side and undid the collar button on his shirt. “Old teacher from high school. I guess he transferred over to this one. Didn’t want him to recognize me and blow our cover.”

“So you decided to pop into an Olympic sprint like that was less suspicious?!”

“Hindsight. 20/20. Even I can act dumb in the moment sometimes.”

“Whatever. I hope this doesn’t bite us in the ass. If you ruined things for Hellcat I’m locking you out of your own apartment.”

“Please. He’s an old man. He’ll probably forget he even saw us.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 _to:_ woofwoofeustace@gmail.com

 _from:_ r2736@gba.edu

 _subject:_ Children?

Eustace! I know you always said you embarrassed about this email address, so I don’t know if you’re still using it , but I didn’t know how else to get in touch! I swear to Bahamut, I’m sure I saw you walking around the new school I’m working at earlier today! Something about your daughter getting in trouble? I didn’t even know you had a daughter! The wife seems lovely too, by the way - strong woman! Feels like just yesterday you were sitting in my class, you grew up so fast... Anyway, message me back if you see this! I’m happy to know you’re well, kiddo.

Ronan

Sent from my BlackBerry 10 smartphone on the Verizon Wireless 4G LTE network.


End file.
